


To My Date, With Hate, Love Sans

by ReadWithDetermination



Series: When Two Tsunderes Go on A Date, Does the Void Implode? [1]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Author Is Sleep Deprived, Author Was Laughing the Whole Time, Comedy, F/M, Fellswap - Freeform, Fellswap Papyrus (Undertale) - Freeform, Fellswap Sans (Undertale) - Freeform, First Dates, Funny, Genderless Roommate Character, Getting Together, Humor, M/M, Mild Language, Papyrus is a good bro, Podfic Available, Podfic Length: 30-45 Minutes, Podfic coming soon, Prank Wars, Pranks and Practical Jokes, References to Past Bullying, References to Rehab, The Author Regrets Nothing, Tsundere Reader, Tsundere Sans (Undertale), Undertale Monsters on the Surface, genderless reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-29
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:27:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21607558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReadWithDetermination/pseuds/ReadWithDetermination
Summary: (FellSwap Surface AU)Ever since you met him, he's always turned everything into a competition.  How he managed to do that to a date, you'll never know.
Relationships: Papyrus & Sans (Undertale), Papyrus (Undertale) & Reader, Sans/Reader
Series: When Two Tsunderes Go on A Date, Does the Void Implode? [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1558828
Comments: 30
Kudos: 122





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Since this isn't a multiverse fusion fic, I'll be using Sans and Papyrus' canonical names. My headcanon is that the FellSwap/Swapfell Sanses are as energetic as their UnderSwap counterpart, but more aggressively competitive (much like Undyne in Undertale). Also, FS!Papyrus is reserved but not as lazy as US!Paps.
> 
> I also used regular capitalization because this isn't UT!Sans (and I didn't bother with changing fonts in AO3 because I actually wanted to hurry up and post this). 
> 
> Got all that? Good. Let's begin.
> 
> (more notes at the end to avoid spoilers)

'How on earth did I get myself into this mess?'

You begrudgingly glare at your reflection in the mirror, holding up two very formal outfits, trying to decide which one would look best for your latest...challenge.

Seriously, who the heck challenges someone to a DATE?!

It all started last week. You were hanging out with your roommate and Papyrus - and, wherever Papyrus goeth, his elder brother Sans doth follow. Your roommate - a nurse - had introduced you to the taller skeleton after they became friends at the clinic where your roommate worked. It seemed like the taller skeleton had some rather...unhealthy habits while Underground, so he had gone to try to get those fixed. He had been doing pretty well, and your roommate thought he could use some new friends to keep the habit from coming back. You'd met your roommate after going with one of your friends to the clinic several years ago, and they knew you had a great supportive attitude for someone trying to kick a habit.

(That is to say, you were a bit like a coach - caring but firm and not unwilling to call someone out on their BS.)

While your former friend had moved away after getting their life together, Papyrus hadn't. In fact, he became a regular staple at your place, often joining you and your roommate during your weekly board game sessions. He was quiet but witty, and his often well-timed one-liners had, more than once, caused you to drop (and thus expose) the cards in your hand. Apart from being a little sh...you mean, a little "jerk", he was a pretty chill guy.

His freaking BROTHER, on the other hand...!

By every star in the universe, sometimes, you just wanted to wrap your hands around his neck vertebra and TWIST!

His thirst for competition with you was insatiable, and it seemed he did everything he could to rile you up. You knew that Sans' behavior had once been a lot worse due to their dangerous environment, but that he - like most monsters - had significantly settled since being freed from the Underground. And, when you weren't being the center of his torment, you could see the smug skelly really did care for his brother, even if it was difficult for him to show it the way normal people would. Papyrus had explained most of it had been a cover, but that still hadn't made many of the things Sans had said and done to him any easier to deal with. Papyrus had worked through it all and, apart from a few moments where he had to call his brother out on falling back into his bullying habits, Sans wasn't nearly as mean as he used to be.

To Papyrus, anyway.

You, however, had to deal with that smug little grin and all of the teasing that came with it.

If you were playing a board game, Sans would try to wipe the mat with you. If you were playing cards, he'd be throwing remarks left and right to try to undo your poker face. He'd hit you with questions during a conversation and smirk when you ran out of answers (the frustrated sputtering you did after only seemed to delight him, the little sadist). He'd neg you in the street and toss piercing backhanded compliments over his shoulder with the precision of a professional knife thrower as he walked away. And don't even get started on what happened when you played racing video games...!

Yes, if it was something you could do, Sans would try to show how he could do it so much better.

Papyrus told you once it was because Sans liked to show off, that he was used to the one-upsmanship as a way to survive. And, bless Papyrus down to his little heart-shaped core, but Sans could take his attitude and shove it! 

Really, why couldn't he hold just one conversation with you where he didn't try to outdo you? Just five minutes, that's all you asked!

It wasn't that he couldn't be civil. He flitted between stoic and a rough sort of genial with nearly everyone else. He and Alphys seemed to have gotten over the almost fatal rivalry Papyrus told you they had Underground and now seemed to genuinely enjoy their sparring matches when you saw them (though, honestly, those seemed to get a bit out of hand when Sans noticed you were nearby, and more than once they had leveled trees and set off car alarms two neighborhoods away with the sheer force of their attacks). He could even be kind, in a way. Usually that kindness involved rather wicked ulterior motives, such as giving a child a candy bar and a soda and turning them loose onto their unsuspecting (and negligent - I mean, who let's their kid out of their sight for ten minutes while they play on their phone?) parent.

No, he just seemed to center all of his energy into being your personal troll.

So why were you going on a date with said calcification incarnate?

Because that, too, was a challenge!

Papyrus, your roommate, and you had all been discussing some rather boring dating show you had found while flipping through the channels. You made some comment about how normal dates aren't as glitzy and glamorous as the TV made them out to be, and of course, Sans had to say his piece.

"That is what you think," he said. You looked over to where he sat, one leg crossed over the other, his arms crossed over his chest. That smug smirk of his started to widen. "I, the Great and Malevolent Sans, would never treat my datemates to anything less!"

You scoffed, causing Sans to turn one of his brilliant red eyelights onto you. Being under their gaze back in the Underground might have been terrifying, but you weren't intimidated, and he knew that. "Dates aren't supposed to be about glitz and glamour," you retorted, "they're supposed to be about getting to know one another and having fun."

Sans turned toward you slightly. "Oh? And you couldn't have fun in a place like that? What," he drawled out, "would being in such a luxurious place intimidate you?"

"No," you told him, "but doing that sort of thing all the time would get boring. It would dull the excitement of it. And besides, the only people that sort of date would appeal to all the time are gold diggers and sugar daddies."

Sans looked taken aback for a moment. You heard Papyrus snort with laughter, and your roommate had to purse their lips tightly together to keep from joining him. Sans glowered at them both. The looks on their faces changed from mild amusement to slightly troubled soon enough, and from the looks they were shooting at you, you knew Sans was up to something. The low rumble of a chuckle bubbling up from within him was only a hint of things to come.

Slowly, the smaller skeleton turned his head back around, teeth flashing a wicked grin and brow bones knitted to a crease on his strangely malleable forehead (seriously, how did they DO that?). You could feel your heart start to race slightly. 

That was his Challenge Face.

Well, whatever he was going to throw at you, you weren't going to take it today! No, sir! You were tired of being reduced to a raging ball of spluttering frustration. You'd constantly found yourself reading articles, brushing up on literature, even going so far as to try to memorize the dictionary so he couldn't hit you with any more words you didn't know. You felt your own fire rise up within you, and decided whatever challenge he threw at you this time, you were going to do whatever it took to win!

"So-”" he said your name, "-you think you could do better, do you?"

"Yeah," you sneered at him, "I do."

"Really? You? Better at being a datemate than me?" his grin widened. 

" _Much better_ ," you practically growled at him. You hadn't realized it, but the two of you had a tendency to almost literally butt heads when you were figuratively doing so. You hadn't recalled when the two of you had leaned so close together, but now, you were only inches apart, arms defiantly on your hips, glowering at one another. "I could beat you at being a better datemate. Any. Day. Of. The. Week!"

That low chuckle rumbled again. "Could you now?"

"Yes."

"Then how about you prove it?" he croaked out, grinning wildly.

"You're on, buddy!"

"Saturday?" he asked.

"At noon," you fired back, almost growling in an attempt to mock him.

His wicked grin stretched to almost unnatural proportions, and both of his eyelights flared menacingly. "Then it's a date-”" he stuck out his hand, the customary mark of your usual official challenges, "- _mate_ "

You took the gloved bony hand, giving it a tight squeeze as you shook it. You were pretty sure your own grin was matching his own in intensity.

Suddenly, a loud barking laugh from the other sofa jarred you back to reality. Papyrus' eyes were wide open, and his jaw looked like it was about to come unhinged with how low it had dropped. The lollipop he'd been enjoying earlier now lay forgotten, having fallen to the hoodie covering his lap. Your roommate, on the other hand, had their face buried in the back of the sofa and was pounding as hard as they could onto the fluffy fabric as they could muster. Despite being muffled by the cushioning, you could hear the wheezing gasps they made as they tried to suck air back into their lungs. 

Almost a split second after you noticed Papyrus' stunned look, he turned to look at Sans.

"What, Brother?" Sans said with a snort.

To say Papyrus sounded deranged afterwards would be like saying the ocean is a wee bit damp.

Five minutes later, both of your two dorky companions were barely able to make a noise from laughing so hard. Papyrus had actually fallen off the couch, and your roommate was now hugging their ribs, laying halfway on the couch with one leg - the one Papyrus grabbed as he fell - draped over his shoulder.

Sans just stared at them mutely for a few minutes before picking up a sofa cushion and chucking it at his brother's head, which only made Papyrus laugh harder.

Sans rose to his feet. "I do not understand what is so funny!"

"You, Mi'lo-...Brother," Papyrus caught himself from going back into the title he'd long had to refer to his brother by. "You are the only monster I know that could challenge someone to a DATE!"

To be honest, the brevity of the situation did not fully hit you until Sans had dragged Papyrus (still laughing) out the door by the back of his hoodie. With a final "Be there!" from Sans and a wave from Papyrus, the door shut, leaving you alone with your cackling roommate. You sat there, completely blank for a few moments as the actual implications of the challenge had not quite hit you. However, as you listened to the dying chuckles of your roommate and the indistinct chatter from the TV, your inner fire smoldered and logic sat in. 

Your roommate sat up, wiping away the tears that had streamed down their face, and looked at you.

Approximately five seconds passed upon seeing their mirth devolve into a knowing smirk before the facts finally hit you. The fire came back full force, only this time, it rushed to your face so fast it made your head swim. As your face heated up with the fury of a thousand suns, you clamped your hands over your head in a panic as one single word that perfectly described this situation tore itself from your lips:

"FUCK!"

So now, here you were, staring at the formal clothes in your hands as your roommate stood smiling in the doorway.

They had wondered why you ever put up with Sans' constant challenges and one-uppitiness.

The truth is you had the biggest crush on that damn skeleton, and torment you as he might, you found yourself drawn to him like a moth to a flame. It was so easy to mask your embarrassment through gritted teeth and knitted brows than to do what you really wanted to do: freaking scale the nearest building like an ape and hide up there until he went away.

Not that you wanted him to go away, mind you.

No, you loved that smug little smirk of his. You admired how strong he was. You saw how hard he worked to change his former ways around his brother, and the little things he did to try to earn his trust again. He even helped you out from time to time, even if he wouldn't shut up about it or made the lamest excuses on why he did things - like saying you looked pathetic when you were sick, only to head straight to the kitchen and fix you a cup of tea to soothe your aching throat.

And while the deep rumble of his voice and the blazing eyelights of his eyes might have been terrifying to his opponents Underground, they had a different reaction entirely upon you.

A reaction you wholly regret ever having revealed to your roommate.

Because, _apparently_ , saying, "I really need to talk to you when I get home" after one of your run-ins with Sans didn't mean you needed to have a one-on-one PRIVATE chat with them. Of course, slamming the door behind you in a panic and blurting out why you looked like you'd been chased by an angry mob without checking to see if anyone else was in the house wasn't the brightest idea. You'd instantly heard a thud in the kitchen and turned to see Papyrus had dropped his bottle of BBQ sauce and was just gawking at you.

Neither of them had let you live it down since.

In fact, the taller skeleton had been all for getting you and his brother together to the point his "help" was almost more tormenting than Sans' constant trolling. You huffed as your eyes landed on a yellow-and-white book on the bed with a slightly frayed spine. It was a copy of a dating guide like one his brother had found at the Underground's dump years ago (thankfully, yours had been ordered from a thrift wholesaler online).

According to Papyrus, if you wanted to have any advantage in Sans' latest challenge, you were going to need to play from the same source material.

That being said, the "source material" in question was old, dry, and filled with gendered etiquette that had aged like old milk. Still, you were able to glean a little information from it and, knowing who you were up against, it wasn't hard to figure out what Sans was likely to hone in on.

Admittedly, you were disappointed it wasn't a real date, and you briefly allowed yourself to wonder what that would even be like. What would Sans think if he found out you liked him? There was no way he'd reciprocate, you knew that, despite Papyrus' teasing. If anything, Sans would likely be utterly disgusted with a non-magical meat bag like you. He'd probably think you were one of those humans that fantasized about monsters simply because they were exotic. The last thing you needed was for him to taunt you for being a pervert.

But you wouldn't let him know that.

Or, at least, not for real.

Oh, you could play his game alright, and if your portrayal as the Master of Seduction this evening had its roots in your real feelings, well, that was neither here nor there.

This was a challenge, and by golly, it was one you were going to finally win!

...Which is how you wound up sitting in the middle of Taco Loco looking as though you stepped off the catwalk while everyone else looked barely dressed for their Monday morning English class.

Well, most everyone.

Sans, it seemed, had the very same idea and went as flashy as he could by dressing down in a nice suit. You had to admit, he cut a rather nice figure, although the strip of red dress shirt beneath his tie and suit jacket reminded you of a robin. Not ironically, it suited the smug smirk he also wore.

Thankfully, you seemed to have gained a few points with your own outfit. Though, whether that was because you matched or because you were wearing his favored colors (red and black), you weren't sure.

That was all the points you had, however, because your "date" was every bit the challenge you and Sans had agreed upon. 

He exuded charm and spoke every word with fake sweetness through a sharp smile, and you fired back every bit as bitterly nicely as you could muster. Of course, half his comments were his typical backhanded compliments, so your nervousness at the idea of being on any semblance of a date disappeared as your own prankster side flared up.

He was just as prepared as you, though.

First, he left the table right as you ordered food to retrieve something. That "something" just so happened to be a bouquet of what looked to be a bunch of flowers Sans scooped off the side of the road. 

He presented it to you with a flourish, grinning, and said, "You said that dates should be less about glitz and glamour. I could have gotten you a bouquet of roses as is the typical dating gift, but I'm sure you'll be so much happier with something far less pricey."

The flowers were practically weeds, a mishmash of goldenrod, daisies and...was that clover?! However, each flower was arranged artfully, with the stems clean and bound together by a large red ribbon. As simplistic as it was, it was obviously done with great care, and you had to admit how pretty it was.

Or you would have, if having those weeds thrust into your face hadn't caused a sneezing fit! Curse your allergies to pollen!

As your sneezing died away and you heard Papyrus groan at losing the bet with your roommate on how many times you would sneeze in succession, you decided to bring out your own weapon. You barely suppressed a groan of your own as your roommate ticked down another tally mark in Sans' favor.

"Aww, you really shouldn't have," you told him through gritted teeth, still trying to maintain the smile the dating guide had insisted upon.

"I know, aren't I a wonderful datemate?" Sans said smugly. 

You chuckled, not breaking eye contact as you moved the flowers to the side and brought out a tiny box you had sequestered under the table: your secret weapon.

"Here you go, 'sweetheart'," you slid the box toward him with both hands, your own grin starting to make your face hurt, "for you! I made them myself."

Sans thanked you and attempted to move the box to the side, but you weren't about to let your hard work go to waste.

"Try one," you told him, "I insist."

"I really shouldn't spoil my appetite when we just ordered lunch," he told you through equally fake-smiling, gritted teeth.

"Oh, but you'll hurt my feelings if you don't at least sample them," you schmoozed. "You don't want to hurt your datemate's feelings, do you? I thought the Great and Malevolent Sans was the best datemate there is?" 

Sans stared down at the box, trying to maintain his smile as he took the lid off it. You could feel a maniacal cackle bubbling up within you. Inside the box looked to be ordinary choclates - all handmade with little candy molds that were once used for Halloween parties. What couldn't be seen was that hidden inside the tiny chocolate skulls was a filling of a very special choclate sauce. Only your recipe had a little extra ingredient: ghost pepper juice.

"I know you like spicy food, Sansy~! Well, 'sugar skull'?" you crooned the nickname you had devised in your secret daydreams. "Aren't you going to dig in?"

Sans stared down at the candies, red eyelights gazing into sockets of dark chocolate. Then a chuckle tumbled out of him. 

Well, that was concerning.

He picked up a knife and focused his gaze upon you.

"Only if we share," he said, "'honeybunch'."

You had not expected that to be one of the options. You felt sweat bead at your forehead as you looked to your other companions for help. Your roommate and Papyrus, who had volunteered to come watch your train wreck of a "date", were sitting at a small table adjacent to yours. Without any BBQ sauce to be found, Papyrus had made due by sticking a straw into the first bottle of taco sauce he could get his hands on and had been merrily sipping on it between conversations. You knew your roommate had known you were up to no good with those chocolates, but Papyrus didn't. From the look on his face, however, you knew you were on your own.

Not quite prepared to face your fate, you turned when you heard Sans clear his non-existent throat. There, held out to you, was one half of a candy, its volcano-hot sauce oozing over the side. Sans held his own half aloft.

"Open wide~," the skeleton practically sang.

Dammit, being hand-fed chocolates had never had a chance to feature in any of your daydreams, and now, just as you realize that might be a kink of yours, your insides were about to boil like a witch's cauldron!

You steeled yourself, and then looked to the other chocolate half before plucking the half Sans chose for himself from him. This was about to be mutually aided destruction. You weren't going to let Sans get out of this by accidentally dropping his part and leaving you to breathe fire alone!

You took a deep breath, locked eye contact, and shoved your chocolate half into Sans' maw the instant he half-crammed his piece into your face.

It wasn't bad.

At first.

You both maintained eye contact, now with your mouths closed around the candies for as long as you could hold. 

You saw your roommate looking at their watch and Papyrus motioning with his fingers. Were they _timing_ you?!

The pain, which had started as a rising trickle and grew into skin-blistering agony, eventually won out, and you grabbed for the napkin in your lap to dispose of your chocolate. In an instant, you were chugging down your glass of water, but that only seemed to fuel the burn. You slammed the glass down, barely noticing through your bleary eyes that Sans had grabbed not only his glass but his brother's, too. In a last ditch effort, you spotted the napkin dispenser and started yanking out napkins, rubbing them on your tongue to try to do something, ANYTHING, to wipe off the spicy torment. All that did was cover your tongue in little bits of brown paper and leave you sputtering to try to spit them out. 

You heard a shout and, upon being able to see again, saw that Sans had stolen Papyrus' bottle of taco sauce in attempts to end his own suffering.

Thankfully, your roommate took pity on you both and you soon found two small cartons of milk deposited in front of you. You tore into yours with madness akin to a rabid dog and chugged it in almost one gulp.

When you had finished that, you realized you and Sans were both huffing and puffing, trying to regain control of your senses.

"Feel better?" your roommate asked.

If it weren't for the fact that they saved you just now from a fiery demise, you'd be tempted to flip them off for the snarky "I-told-you-it-was-a-bad-idea" look on their face.

For now, you had a job to finish - and a challenge to win!

"Not...bad...eh?" you pant out.

Sans manages to restore part of his grin and gives you a half-pained look that can only be described as vengeful. "As delightful as you," he said.

Dammit! How could he still attempt to play charming after that? It was all you could do to breathe now that the Ghost Pepper Chocolate Sauce had shaved a good five years off your life.

Needless to say, you both came to an unofficial truce to tear into the tortillas the waiter brought you in order to take down the last of the burn from your Capsaicin Cruelties.

The rest of the meal was (thankfully) not nearly as fatal. It took a while before either you or Sans could form coherent words, so you were at least able to eat in relative peace. You spent most of it with a mouth tingling from spice and a nose running from the pollen of Sans' bouquet, but you still had more left to the challenge!

You attempted to argue with Sans over the bill. He wanted to pay it, but you insisted you pay it. This went back and forth for several minutes until you got the bright idea to just glance at the receipt for the price and slap down a bill to cover it. Sans attempted to shove your money back to you and take out his own, but you had an ace up your sleeve.

And very quick reflexes.

Needless to say, the waiter looked horrified when you suddenly crammed the bill receipt into your mouth.

You won the Battle of the Bill, but at a rather crummy cost:

Now your mouth was on fire AND tasted like ink.

If THAT was the taste of victory, you'd stick with burritos.

On the ride home, your oh-so-helpful friends in the backseat decided to tally your "datemate points" and turn them into some sort of score. By the time you arrived home, by only the barest breadth, it seemed you were ahead.

So Sans decided to even the odds by walking you to your doorstep.

And by "walking" you, you meant "picked you up and slung you over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes" (if potatoes were alive, screaming and kicking the whole way).

So, to hear Papyrus call from the car with the final score, you almost felt your heart sank.

No! There was no way you could have tied!

There just had to be some way that you could-

Then it clicked.

The most brilliant idea you had had all day.

There wasn't going to be any tie-breaker tonight. Not if you could help it.

"W-wait! Aren't you forgetting something?"

Sans turned to you. "No, why?"

You took a deep breath.

You were going to WIN this challenge.

And you DID tell yourself it didn't matter if what you did was rooted in real feelings, after all...

You grabbed hold of Sans by the lapels of his suit jacket and yanked him closer to you. Mustering all the courage you could, you whipped your head around toward your friends. Your roommate was leaning against the car and Papyrus was in the passenger seat, his arms crossed over the rolled-down window as they watched the chaos unfold.

"Hey, Papyrus!" you shouted. "What does the Dating Manual say about saying goodbye to your date?"

You heard Sans almost squawk in surprise that you even knew about that book, and then he turned on his brother, calling him a traitor. For once, however, Papyrus seemed to be far too amused to pay his sibling's insults any mind. He tapped his chin for a moment, then a look of realization crossed his face. He shared a look with your roommate before settling back down with a grin, the plastic straw (why did he even take that from the restaurant?) sticking out from between his teeth where he'd been gnawing on it absentmindedly.

"You mean a goodnight-"

"-kiss?" your roommate finished for him.

The sound that ripped itself from Sans next sounded like what can only be described as a goose having a nightmare.

Sans started to sputter. "Th-that's not necessary! I-!"

Feeling a bit bolder, you grinned up at him, "What's the matter, Sans? Surely the Great and Malevolent Sasn isn't afraid of a little goodnight kiss?"

You knew you were pushing your luck, but at this point, you couldn't help yourself. It was so hard to trip Sans up over anything, yet here he was - sputtering with frustration the way he usually left you. Oh, the whole disastrous day was worth it just to get him to walk in your shoes for a moment! Just a little kiss on the cheek, and the "date" would be officially over by the manual's little rules, and you would officially be the winner! 

The idea that you might finally - FINALLY - win a challenge against Sans emboldened you, making you smirk at him. "Well, Sansy? What's it going to be?"

Sans let out a breath and glowered right at you.

"As if a little goodnight kiss could scare the likes of the Great and Malevolent Sans!"

You grinned wide, knowing you were likely to start laughing the moment your lips touched his cheek.

Your mind went completely blank when hands clapped the sides of your face and brought it to meet his. Wait, what was he doing? What's that look for?! Wait, this was not part of the plan-!

Yeah, you were dead.

You were very dead.

Dead, dead, dead dead dead.

Yup.

Because there was no way on any plane of existence your plans could have gone so utterly awry like this.

And you say "plane of existence" because you weren't sure having Sans literally just smash his teeth against your lips was his latest hellacious trolling attempt, or if you were in heaven because 'OmG We'Re AcTuALlY KiSsInG RiGhT NoW ERROR404READER.EXEHASSTOPPED WORKING!'

It was very awkward, very sudden, and you're pretty sure one of you just made a noise just now and-

Aww, crap, that noise came from you, didn't it?

Aaaaaaand you're pretty sure you're not supposed to kiss with your eyes wide open. But by the time you finally tell yourself 'to hell with it' and lean forward to kiss him back in earnest, the pressure on your lips eases and you feel him pull away. You mentally swear and open your eyes again to see him staring at you with an expression you've never seen before.

Completely and totally unguarded.

You think you see the shimmer of red magic dusting his cheekbones as he stares at you for a moment. You can't say anything because right now, your heart is in your throat, and you're pretty sure it might fly right out of you should you open your mouth. His eyelights are locked onto your own eyes, and you feel you couldn't turn away even if you wanted to...

That is, until you catch movement behind Sans and see your roommate and Papyrus doing a series of fist bumps while grinning like madmen.

Sans' hands fall from your face and he steps back. At this point, the unguarded look has completely disappeared, and a look of frustration has replaced it. However, the glower he is attempting to do looks weak at best, and you can't tell whether he's trying not to laugh or trying to hold back an insult until the perfect amount of vitriol has built behind it.

However, neither laughter nor insult meets your ears. Instead, he salutes you, tells you goodnight, then spins on his heel and marches sharply back to his car without another word. Papyrus waves as Sans peels out of the driveway, and your roommate gently leads you into the house as you watch them leave.

You make it into the house after knocking into the door frame, and your roommate sort of leaves you propped against the wall while they lock the door. You manage to hold it in until they finish before you slide down the wall with your reddening face blazing in your hands. 

You can barely make out the sound of their laughter over your own incoherent screaming.

...Unbeknownst to you at the time, several neighborhoods over, the sound of a car horn was blaring at remarkably the same pitch as your scream. Sans had bashed his head into it and wasn't coming up for air any time soon. Not until Papyrus stopped laughing at him, anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And done! First fanfic written in a handful of years, and it was an excuse to write comedy. I had some other funny ideas I could have included, but that would have taken writing part of the one-shot from the perspective of another character. 
> 
> Alternate title probably should have been "When Two Highly-Competitive Rivals Who Are Not Good With Feelings Find Themselves On a Date Together". 
> 
> I went with the idea that FS!Sans (or SF! Red Sans, whichever — the fanonverse gets weird at times) isn't good with emotions but tries, so since he's used to playing the Big Bad Tough Guy card so as to not get dusted Underground, then he's going to puff himself up like a robin while he pulls your proverbial pigtails. And you, as the Reader Character, are secretly shy when it comes to romantic stuff, so it's easier for you to react when someone, say, makes you angry instead. 
> 
> So, the "I have a huge crush on you but, since I freak out over the slightest romantic feelings I have toward someone, I'm just going to use a prank war as an excuse to be near you and hopefully mask my ever-growing infatuation" shtick? Yeah, I've been there. Twice, actually. So I was definitely drawing on experience for the concept.
> 
> (Although the whole sharing the candies bit actually came to me at 1 in the morning when I was half-asleep).
> 
> The flowers actually have a meaning besides being common roadside plants: Goldenrod for hope and encouragement, daisies for hope, and clover for "think only of me". I thought it hilarious that such common plants would have such sweet meanings, so I had to include that.
> 
> I'll have the podfic version up in a separate chapter in a few days, so for those that enjoy my podfics, bear with me until I can get it recorded. Thanks for reading~!


	2. PODFIC Available!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Podfic now available!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First podfic of 2020!   
> Let me know if you'd like to hear more of the series read aloud!  
> (I didn't put much music in this one because I was fairly eager to get it out)
> 
> Also, I have a new Tumblr now! Check it out and send me Suggestions there: https://readwithdetermination.tumblr.com/

MEDIAFIRE: http://www.mediafire.com/file/ik3xsr59nu7hjyg/008_To_My_Date%252C_With_Hate%252C_Love_Sans.mp3/file

YOUTUBE: 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are my bread and butter, so let me know what you thought! ^-^

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [To My Roommate, With Longing, Surprisingly Rus](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23317480) by [FlyWIthSerenity](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlyWIthSerenity/pseuds/FlyWIthSerenity)




End file.
